How do you feel about money?

Have you ever taken the time to really think through the emotion that is tied to money?  

I recently had the opportunity to speak for The Splankna Institute, a group of inner-healing practitioners at their annual Master training weekend. 

I handed out $5 bills to every participant at the training and asked them to hold the bill in both hands. We all moved the money around in our fingers. I asked the group, "how does it feel?" I got answers like, smooth, soft, dirty, worn, crisp and greasy. All logical answers depend on how old or new the bill they were given was.  

I then asked the group to hold the bill out in front of them and really study the bill in their hands. I then asked, "how does it look?" I got answers like, patriotic, valuable, green, important and exciting. All words that I wouldn't have thought of but as I write this, I can admit that I'm not sure how I would've answered that same question upon seeing the money with my own eyes.  

I then asked the group to rub the bill together while holding it close to their ears. Before I had the chance to ask, "how does it sound", one of the participants shouted, "it sounds distracting." There were other answers such as loud, annoying, and crinkly.  

We then moved to the next logical sense, which was smell. Everyone took a big whiff despite reservations in doing so. "How does it smell?" They replied with mostly negative smells, like dirty, oily, and chemically. However, some people reported liking the smell of money and saying it smelled like opportunity.  

Lastly, I asked for everyone to taste it... Thankfully this group pushed back quickly and realized I was only joking. We did discuss how it might taste and you can imagine the responses that came from that question.  

After going through the relationship that our senses are all having with money, I then asked the group this question, "how does this money make you feel?" 

This brought up an entirely different conversation as the group really navigated their complex relationship with money and the way it's made them feel in their lives. As you can imagine, for those who have struggled with money, they expressed negative feelings such as limited, fearful, unworthy, hopeless, entitled and frustrated. Those who have a different relationship with money declared words like, excited, motivated, blessed, stable and many more.  

When I decided to do this exercise in front of a live audience, I had to remember a time in my life when my relationship with money was negative. I had struggled for nearly eight years as a single parent and sole financial provider for my two children. I had been on an emotional life roller coaster but the financial struggle seemed to follow right behind me like an annoying shoelace that tripped me every time I took a step forward.  

After thinking through my own emotions, I asked the group to define what we were all holding. "It's money, cash, paper, chemicals, ink", they said. They also said, "currency." That was the word I was looking for. Currency is meant to come and go, like the ocean tides that come in and go back out. I realized long ago that my relationship with money was always more stressed when I was constantly losing it or constantly hoarding it. However, when I found a rhythm of letting it go generously and receiving it back with excitement, suddenly the emotional charge of finances in my life started to resolve.  

If you think of money as a tool that is meant to trade and exchange, you begin to see it as having less power over you and instead recognizing the possibilities it possesses. 

I then shared a VERY personal story with the group about a phone call I made shortly after leaving a toxic relationship. I went through a very traumatic season leaving a relationship that I was quite frankly addicted to. I couldn't figure out how I was going to leave and rebuild my life but knew that if I didn't, it would likely do far more damage than it already had. To say I was suffering and struggling is an understatement. In fact, it felt like one more blow after years of hardship as a single mom. Not only had I made this mistake once, but I had mud on my face after going through it yet again.  

In the middle of my moving, filing divorce papers and beginning to rebuild, I realized that I had forgotten to file my tax return. I owed about $3500 and was also handed a $750 late fee having missed the deadline. I had never been late with the IRS, and I naturally assumed that they would give me a pass since I had always been such a solid tax paying citizen. I called the IRS and asked if it were possible to have the fees removed. The gal was very friendly and said she would return in just a few moments. Forty-five minutes later, she returned and said nervously, "ma'am, you owe the IRS $323,000.00."  

Shocked was an understatement. I figured there must've been a mistake made but she assured me that there had been no mistake. I couldn't fathom paying that much money for anything, a house, a car, a boat, a dream vacation... but to pay the IRS that amount of money was even more shocking. I had $3500 to contribute and told her that I didn't have any other money. I asked if there was any way she could put me on a payment plan to start chipping away at the amount I owed. She said that I would have to pay $3500 a month for the next 10 years to make a dent.  

This was such a massive blow, I decided that I could either let it crush me or motivate me. I decided to start changing the relationship that I had developed with money and the ways that I had allowed people to use it to control, intimidate and manipulate me.  

Do you have an overall positive or negative relationship with money and charging your clients? 

Do you wish you could change the way you feel about money? 

Why is money important to you? Is this good or bad?