What's your "catch" word?

In early 2019, I did a brave thing. I called my good friend Alan Stein and asked him a brave question. "How do I get started." Years earlier I had noticed that Alan was starting to post inspiring quotes to social media and sharing stories about his life. What I didn't understand for years is that he had a passion for athletics, a valuable lesson to share and a future version of Alan that he needed to show up for. 

Now, when I say platform, you likely came to a conclusion in your mind of what a platform is, based on your life experience. Up until that point in my life, I would've thought of a platform as the back deck of a wakeboard boat. I know, I know, that's a very literal definition of a platform that probably makes very little sense to you but that was my limited perspective of the industry that my friend Alan had stepped into. 

Alan had just written his first book called, "Raise Your Game: High Performance Habits of the Best of the Best." A book he co-wrote with John Sternfeld. My friend, who inspired me from time to time on social media was now a published author. I didn't know anyone who was an author, and I certainly didn't know anyone who was a keynote speaker, but suddenly, just like that I had a friend who does both. 

Now, Alan didn't just wake up one day and say I'm going to publish a book that brings lessons from high performancing athletes to executives in the business world. No, he spent years developing, years writing, years asking questions, years "failing" in his mind, and years “putting in the reps", a concept he writes about in his book. 

When I called Alan to ask him how to start, he gave me a link to a public speaking program that he had attended. One that he felt was a quality organization called Heroic Public Speaking.

That was it, I was all set on chasing my dreams after years of working extra hard to get in my own way. I attended a 2-day training seminar in Pennsylvania, a state that I had never been. BONUS, it was a free training! You had to pay $1000 to register but when I actually followed through and attended, they gave me $1000 BACK!!! How cool is that? When I arrived to the training, I walked into the room and the people in there were fancy. They seemed influential, well dressed, successful and confident. 

... and I was NOT any of those things, in my mind. 

After the first day, I decided I was a complete loser because I found out that my "big idea" was one that had already been used, delivered, had books written about it and had been featured on the coveted TEDx stage by a famous keynote speaker, that I had never heard of. At that point, I may as well have gone home. I had nothing left to share if I got an opportunity to be coached on stage, no other big ideas to craft a new speech and an overall low sense of self-worth about this brave attempt to chase my dreams.

That evening, after sulking, putting myself down and considering flying home, I made a decision that was paramount to the woman I am today. I decided to stay, attend the second day of training and TAKE BIG RISKS. A concept that they had talked about during training the day before. 

Until this experience, I never would have said that I was a risk averse person, but when I look back I can really see a lifelong pattern of taking baby risks. If I knew, within reason, that the risk I was taking would likely work, than I was willing to do something "risky" If I thought a door was going to slam in my face, I was the type of girl that would stay in bed and tell myself lies like, "nah, that's not for me”, as if I couldn’t be bothered with such a silly idea. I can actually remember the insecurity that used to live within me as I write this.  

Ok... back to the second day of training. 

I walked into the training on the second day and reminded myself ALL DAY LONG that I had made a deal with myself the night earlier. IF, and only if, I was called onto the stage, an unlikely worry as there were at least 75 eager speakers there vying for their opportunity, I would do these three things.  

1. Say YES (That's it... no buts, no excuses, no hesitation... just YES)
2. No Qualifying (Which means I wasn’t allowed to get on stage and prepare everyone for my version of suck that was about to spill out of me)
3. TAKE BIG RISKS (This meant I would boldly take the stage and talk about something I'm passionate about. I would use a lot of energy, fluctuate my voice, take up the stage as if it were my own for a few moments and then, stand proudly when I was finished.)

My heart is pounding as I'm writing this because I remember convincing myself to agree to these three things and how anxious I was at the thought of having to follow through. In hindsight, I decided I would take big risks but planned on not having to.  

Wouldn't you know it... During the last session, on the last day, Michael Port pointed at me and invited me on stage. There were at least 50 hands raised to be the next speaker featured and I was the only person who had been selected that wasn’t already volunteering to speak. My hand, on the other hand, wasn't raised. In fact, I wanted to shrink and disappear into the fancy, hotel lobby style carpet in the room. My insides screamed, "NOOOOOOPE, MAYBE NEXT TIME." Then I remembered the deal I had made with myself. 

Who would I be if I denied the agreement, I made with myself?

What would that mean for my future version of ME?

What dark hole of career sadness would I have to climb back into because the thought of stepping on to this stage made me want to cry and cower??? 

“Ok, Bee... Say YES, don't qualify and TAKE BIG CHANCES.” I said this to myself over and over and over subconsciously as I approached the stage. I don't remember what I said exactly but I DO remember that, at the time, I felt strongly that we shouldn't use the word #blended to describe families who were pieced together after experiencing the loss and grief of divorce. In fact, I still hate the words #broken and #blended family, as I don't see my own family that way even though I’ve re-married after experiencing divorce. I talked about the cold, dark, pulverizing reality of being a human dropped into a blender and reframed this family structure in a way that would feel safe and honoring to children of divorce. I have no idea if what I said even made sense, but it didn’t matter. What mattered is, I said YES, I didn’t qualify, and I took BIG RISKS.

When Michael Port came back on stage, he made some comments about my performance that were surprisingly affirming. He complimented me on my stage presence, my energy and my vocal reach. He then said something that completely changed my life. He said, "do you know what your catch word is?" I didn't know what a catch word was until the day prior to this uncomfortable moment. By the way if you don't know what it is either, a catch word is a word or phrase that we use when nerves rise up while speaking publicly. Catch words distract our audience from our message and influence.

I replied to Michael, "is it “like”?" 

He said, "No, it's RIGHT?!". When he said right, he used the same inflection that I had just used on stage as if he were asking the same question that I had. 

I giggled to myself because DUH, of course that was my catch word, I said it ALL the time. 

He said, "Do you know what you're doing when you say the word, "RIGHT?!" in your speech?" 

He didn't pause for me to respond but I must admit I had no idea...

He said, "You're giving your authority away."

Silence fell over the room. 

If I were still holding, I would've dropped it... I was fighting back tears.

Within moments, I started sobbing…

…the really embarrassing, super unprofessional cry that NOBODY anywhere wants to be caught doing in public. What's worse? He pressed into my emotion and discomfort. He said, "tell me about the emotion that is bubbling up." In front of 75+ people I shared a tear-filled admission. I had always given up my authority. In fact, I'd never known that I had any to give up!

Though this was a powerful moment already, the bigger ah-huh for me was that something as simple as my "catch word" could be the culprit responsible for how I’d “lost my voice” in the first place. For years, I had believed that people were taking shots at me like I was a human dart board, but now I had to look deeper within myself. Where else was I willfully donating my authority to others??

The common thread I see in fellow business owners isn't lack of ability, heart, desire, work-ethic or logic. The common thread I see in my clients is this fear of TAKING BIG RISKS, because taking big risks means that you might get knocked down, you might not know how to get yourself back up and you might cry the ugly cry in front of 75+ strangers on a big stage. 

This story leaves me with these questions for you.

What is YOUR catch word?

Where in your communication style could there be a misunderstanding, a hesitation or a lack of confidence, causing you to lose your authority?

Are there nerves or insecurities that bubble up in you that could be creating a weird glitch in your personal or professional presentation?

Don't forget, I'm cheering for you and your business.

Bee

If this is an area of growth that you’re seeking, please email me a short message about why training on this subject would be helpful to you and your business. [email protected] 

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BEE ANDREEN | INTEGRATIVE BUSINESS COACH, SPEAKER + FOUNDER

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